Advice Column

Advice Column

Ask “Squiggles the Hamster”










Dear Squiggles the Hamster,



Every time I try to make new friends, the other kids make fun of my name. Nobody seems to care. What should I do?

Signed, Kim J. Tastyboogers,

White Fish, MA.

Dear Kim,



Squeak, squeak, squeak…. squeak, squeak…. squeak. Squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak!





Dear Squiggles the Hamster,



I’m having problems with my older brothers. They never include me in anything they do. They’re mean to me just because I’m a big tattle-tale, I cry a lot, wet my pants daily, and never bathe or brush my teeth. I can’t believe they’re so shallow. Do you have any advice?

Signed, Tommy S. Lewis,

Grand Rapids, MI.

Dear Tommy,



Squeak, squeak, squeak…. squeak, squeak squeak…. squeak! Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak. Squeak, squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak… squeak.

Squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak… squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak… squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak, squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak… squeak.







Dear Squiggles the Hamster,



I’ve enjoyed your column for many years, but have never written to you until now. The problem is, my wife and I are having financial difficulties. All she ever wants to do is spend, spend, spend.

I’m trying to keep us on a budget, but she keeps burning up our money on stupid things like food and rent and utilities. I never have anything left to spend on important things, like my mint collection of Planet of the Apes action figures and playsets. If this continues, I’m going to have to get a job. Any advice?



Your biggest fan,

Steven L. Grossman,

Denver, CO.

Dear Steven,



Squeak, squeak, squeak…. squeak, squeak squeak…. squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak! Squeak, squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak.

Squeak squeak squeak.Squeak squeak squeak, squeak… squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak… squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak. Squeak, squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak.



Squeak squeak squeak.Squeak squeak squeak, squeak… squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak… squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak, squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak.



Squeak, squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak!